Good Riddance: Time of your Life
by yamiskoi
Summary: Songfic. Ryou is committing suicide, and he feels absolutely no guilt about Bakura, or what he is doing. But why not? Though... why should he feel regretful?
1. Good Riddance: Time of your Life

Yami's koi: A new suicide fic here. I might do a Yu Yu Hakusho one soon... but I don't know who will die. I have a hunch, but I don't know why he would. Any suggestions for my next victim? I'm kinda overdoing this character too much.

Neutral Man: this is a songfic, right?

Yami's koi: right. The song is Green Day's Good Riddance (Time of your Life). I'm gonna do another angsty fic, which is in the works! Well... enjoy this... more at the end...

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.

I lie once more on the cold tiles of my kitchen. Yes, that's right. My kitchen. It doesn't belong anymore to that bastard I once considered a yami, and a friend. Well... not that he ever considered me as any of those things.

No, I've always been this way, ever since that fatal day just a mere two years ago. It seems almost like an eternity has passed me by, yet I understand the ways of time. Only when I was being betrayed and abused did I note the world's slowly unravelling plots.

_ Time grabs you by the wrists, directs you where to go. _

No one's ever been here for me. I vowed that until I could find myself someone who would stay, would never play games behind me, I would remain solitary and despondent. Tch, even that theory has run its course, every nerve screaming at me now to simply complete what everyone wants of me.

Firstly the beatings started out as slow and mild bruising to my arms and legs. Now I cannot hide the evidence from even Jou. Yes, he has noticed... no doubt Seto, his _lover,_ has mentioned something to him. He never really was too brilliant at observing things... even when he duels. So naïve of him to actually believe me when I said I had joined an after school club of sports.

_ So make the best of this test, and don't ask why. _

Pity. Jou will never know how much I think about him and Seto. I'm not jealous of Seto being with him, but I envy the company... the kisses. Such things I miss, and now will for all eternity.

But I have been betrayed and beaten for too long now. Gone are those days that are condemned to pure blood shed... in fact, days in themselves are going to disappear. For me, at least.

I'm going to mock my yami. I will use the very same blade in which he has used so many times against the unfortunate Tomb Keepers to penetrate my own skin. Then I will bring my abyss of cold death nearer when I... well, that would be an interesting idea...

_ It's not a question but a lesson learnt in time. _

I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling. My two wrists lift, my left bared to the cold steel alloy once more which is drawing closer and closer with every passing breath. Without even waiting for my skin to adjust to the icy, curved knife, I press in and sharply draw it across the length of pale skin.

The knife bites, but not enough to draw any amount of blood. Unfortunately it seems that my strength is greater when I can actually see what I am slitting, and to ensure that actually reach my desired target. I withdraw the blade and lean my back against the wall. Now I resume my cutting, only a small tingle residing in my wrist.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.

My eyes narrow. This is not what I want. I desire pain, I crave death, and I will NEVER achieve any of this when I can only feel the tiniest of stings. With unrestrained strength I press down hard when I next draw the knife across my skin. I watch the skin sink slightly as the added pressure finally makes an impact... and howl with delight when the redness of my blood rises to the surface.

My life sustaining liquid traces along the edge of my yami's killing tool, dying my skin red when it passes along uncut parts. Soon the rhythm of my slitting drives me to rock back and forth; my eyes alight with the hunger for more of that feeling.

_ I hope you had the Time of Your Life. _

I feel no pain. The cut skin tingles, obviously, but I mean internally. I cannot find a single location inside that screams at me to stop, that Bakura is not the heartless slut I deem he is. Because I know he is. He always will be an abusing, heartless thief who can do naught but deceive and hurt. He has used my body to turn my friends against me for long enough. This is my only escape.

I cast a shadowy look down at my wrist and, against my will, I shudder. That tingle has now developed, and I feel the throbbing quicken and beat harder against the surrounding skin. I did not expect to see the amount of blood that is now beginning to pool around me, too, dripping onto my clothes and the floor. It's coldness sinks into my skin, which is exactly the opposite of what I want to happen. I want it to escape, dammit!

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind.

A nerve is struck on my next slash, and the throbbing pain of my wound seems so unimportant now compared to this. Ah, its so intense... so strong that I almost drop my yami's dagger in surprise.

Gods this hurts, but I crave it. This is no longer something I cannot deny. Iie. I have delayed this doom for so long now... and yet I am fazed by pain?

If this is how it will be, then fine. Fuck it. This wrist, along with its veins, will be sliced, and then my next plan will be put into action. Originally I had only one way I desired to die.

And now I have three. Each of which I shall use, NOW!

Hang it on a shelf in good health in good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.

With a quiet whimper of pain, my eyes automatically clenching shut; I drive the knife into the gash deeper, dragging its sharpness into whatever it can. A continuous pain now explodes in my wrist, and I release a loud howl. Its sounds are mixed: for it includes a hint of agony, tainted by the choking relief of happiness. I can almost feel the veins being severed, every nerve struck by the furious striking from the blade in my hand.

Happy. A word that means nothing to me. Surprisingly this is what I have not been for nearly two years now. And yes, you've got this correct: because of Bakura I've been this way. And it is because of him that I am here today, doing what I am. I have a feeling him and I would have developed such a beautiful friendship, had he been more like Yami... Yugi's darkness, and lover.

_ For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. _

Now, for my second plan. This will most probably kill me before I even attempt my third desire. I am only thankful that I have written enough to haunt Bakura for the rest of his days in my suicide note that lies on the side.

_ It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. _

With a quiet groan, my gash is free from the metal that made it. Now the blood drips frequently around me, forming a small pool around my half bare body. For some obscene reason, I have always wanted to die with my shirt discarded.

I rise and then stagger over to the shit drawer, which contains paracetamol and other medicinal tablets. I grab whatever I can, heedless of every life giving substance in the world. If I do not retch these back up within roughly a minute, then I know that the overdose will kill me.

I do not even bother with the luxury of water to swallow these down with, fully used to being deprived of what I need. The tablets slide down my throat with ease, and I collapse to the floor again, my knife stroking into my gash again. My breathing is becoming a torture now, every breath I breathe being laboured and shallow. It is almost enough to make me actually value and appreciate the stupid cycle of oxygen inhalation.

_ I hope you had the Time of your Life. _

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

My stomach... fuck... it's almost as if it's rejecting the medicine, and the tablets won't accept it! Ah, Ra, this hurts... this hurts so much more than what my wrist does.

"FUCK YOU, BAKURA!" I scream when I finally place my third idea into action. With a deep breath, one of the last I would ever take, I impale myself onto the sword. As it penetrates my inner organs, including my stomach, I feel an iciness match it.

_ It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. _

Death nears me now. I feel Anubis' henchmen draw nearer, approaching me from behind. I can almost feel the warm presence of the Afterlife consume me with its bliss. For anything that I have to endure, even if in the Underworld, will be better than what I have experienced during my time here on Earth, short lived and pointless though it may have been.

Now my body can be Bakura's temple. He can do what he wants. I do not feel guilty.

_ I hope you had the Time of Your Life. _

As I draw my last shallow, broken breath, I reflect on why I chose this day. Yes, there is a reason.

Because it has been exactly two years to the day since I received the Millennium Ring.

Yami's koi: other angsty fics are out, too, if you figure you like this style of writing. Reviews will be accepted gratefully, and for reviewing you'll get a plushie of Change of Heart Ryou. I know Ryou committing suicide is getting overdone by me recently, but I can't do that to Yugi. Maybe perhaps to Yami... but not Yugi. I guess this is dedicated to Cattypatra, Neutral Man and past reviewers. And... obviously Green Day owns Good Riddance (Time of Your Life), and not me. I wish I did. But I don't.

Bakura: I didn't come in and declare my love for Ryou, what gives?!

Yami's koi: yeah, about that... if you want an additional chapter, I can do one. But about Bakura, why he abused Ryou, what the suicide note said, etc. See ya sometime.


	2. Hello

Yami's koi: it looks like you gies figured another chapter is needed, so here it is!

Bakura: why do you even bother writing about me when you could be doing something exciting?

Yami's koi: like writing suicide fics? Yay, now Bakura's inspired me to write more... Here's the second chapter of Good Riddance (Time of your Life). I hope this reaches your standards.

_ Playground school bells ring... again... _

Need I any rest, though I am weary? Hell no! I am the almighty Tomb Robber, after all. Nothing yet throughout time has fazed me enough to give rise to the occasion where I shed a single tear, and that is what I call an achievement. After all, many mortals cry freely, in the streets, after something so pathetic, and you know what? I laugh at them. I stand there, and mock them for what they are.

Life like this is always great. Yet I always have to suffer my pitiful excuse for an hikari, who is just there to ruin my pleasure. Fuck, he's so bloody weak, I'd be surprised if he'd even last five minutes against the most fragile of people. It is quite surprising really that we are hikari and yami, light and darkness, when I am so strong and merciless, and he puny and innocent.

But I am not too awful to my light. No, I have repaid him, in many more ways in which you may imagine. Obviously I have been harsh on him, yet I was never treated rightfully when I was a child. Therefore, there is no possible explanation why my host's life is any different.

Though I cannot owe all of my pain to that fatal childhood of mine. No, there were... other influences, which had affected me awfully. Take the dreadful conditions of a peasant's house. Every day I would wake before the sun rose, so that my naïve and pathetic family could give thanks to that twat, Ra. Iie, I have never believed in such a myth, and myth it is. Gods and religious beliefs are simply a way of translating the occurrences in life that some simpleton doesn't have the brain capacity to explain. I see such things as a fairy tale created to sweeten the loss of a loved one.

Speaking of those who have been lost... my mother. For some disappointingly odd reason, I still think about her. Then I may curse, and scream at the 'heavens'... and then I remember.

_ Rain clouds come to play... again _

My host. He has at least one function good enough to be mentioned. Yes, I abuse him, but don't give me that shit about how cruel and heartless I am. Because that's how the world shall be for him if he continues to be so innocent, and I am giving him that favour of showing him how to be. He should be thanking me, not screaming aloud in pain.

Huh. I've just remembered what he did last night...

Flashback (General POV, Past tense) 

Ryou hummed slightly whilst cleaning his room. Bakura would not be back for quite some time, so he could – leisurely, and without the fear of assault – do what he pleased. Music floated from his CD player, and he took several moments to reflect on what the lyrics had started for him. Guitars and a soft violin, along with the melodious voice that sung, saddened Ryou once more.

_At that thought Ryou's trademark smile faltered. His chocolate coloured eyes lowered, an almost glaze falling across them, and he fell back to sit on his bed. Without so much as a murmur, he lifted the leg of his jeans, right past his knee, up until it reached his upper thigh. _

_On his right leg, vast, ugly scars marred the paleness of his skin. Ryou counted fourteen angry slashes, a long finger tracing each mark. Last night, he had added two more marks, something which he had been almost reluctant to do. Addictive though it may be, slashing could take its toll. _

Has no one told you she's not breathing?

_These two most recent scars were something of importance to Ryou. Well, of course, every one was. But this one he liked especially, purely because it was in the shape of a cross. Not the stupid fucking Christian symbol – anything so hopeful had been abandoned so long ago by Ryou – but it was an X. _

"_Cunt," Ryou spat, his fingers following the lines on his leg, as he remembered the reason why he did this, "I hate you."_

_At that moment, Ryou felt himself being violently pushed, face first, off the bed. And since his hands were too busy stroking his scars, he landed with a loud cry, on his face. _

"_What are you doing, bastard?" A voice behind him snarls. With a jerk, Ryou turned onto his stomach. With unexpected skill, he pulled his legs up to his chest, and slammed them face down onto the floor, so that he stood, now above, Bakura. _

Hello, I am your mind, giving you someone to talk to... hello.

_The Thief King blinked once, before releasing a howl, and straightening. "Learnt a few tricks of strength, did we? Too bad it won't actually do you any favours..." He sneered, his face dropping that feigned humour that Ryou abhorred. _

"_Just tell me what you want and get out," Ryou stated in a hiss, his jaw clenched. Bakura's eyes narrowed even further._

"_Don't you speak to me with that tone of voice, hikari." He warned, laying a finger on Ryou's cheek. Bakura regarded the one he had driven so many times with almost curiosity. "Odd. To think I have another side of me so weak, so pathetic, that he can barely hold his own." _

_Something inside of Ryou snapped. He didn't know how long it had been so fine and fragile, but that thread had been obliterated. And it was his self-control. _

"_FUCK OFF!" Ryou screamed, shoving against Bakura's chest with unexpected strength. Though, compared to his Tomb Robber of a darkness, such power meant nothing. All the same, it aggravated the snowy haired yami. Yet when he attempted to push Ryou back, something happened which he did not expect. _

_Ryou produced a shiny object from his back pocket, and thrust it at Bakura's face. Upon the realisation of what it was, Bakura froze. A knife, with a slightly curved end, and almost intricately designed handle. His favourite blade, the most treasured of all he had ever coveted was right there, turned against its almost rightful owner. _

If I smile and don't believe...

"_You fucking dare use that on me, and I will rip your heart out through your throat," Bakura whispered, his voice quivering. He made not effort to move, as he had been trained to do when in a situation such as this, though one could not mistake that look in his eyes. It was lethal, and suggested Ryou had better drop the blade before it was lodged in his gut. And yet still, even though this would have been a perfect opportunity to break and plead for mercy, Ryou held his ground. _

_Why should he take the constant abuse, and never-ending insults? And why should he even give two flying shits about how experienced his coequal was, or how well he could kill? _

_In the end, he would be dead anyway. Whether by Bakura's hand or his own, he would die. And at that moment, anything seemed better than being murdered brutally by the other half of your soul. The one who was supposed to care for you, to tend to those wounds that were inflicted upon you. To seek revenge upon those who dared to sneer at him. _

_Bakura looked stunned that Ryou was not actually complying with what any sane person would do. "Are you mad? Has fear snapped your mind?!" He yelled, tugging on the knife, regaining it easily. NOW Ryou looked scared. More than that, petrified. _

Soon I know...

_His eyes were overly wide; every single emotion within based around terror. Bakura raised the knife... and was stunned at what he saw._

_Even though Ryou was terrified, he was no longer trembling. His fists were clenched and, before Bakura could voice his surprise, one connected with his left cheek. _

"_GO TO HELL YOU BASTARD. I HATE YOU! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FUCKING FACE EVER AGAIN!" Ryou screamed, towering above Bakura's half-fallen form. He had staggered backwards several steps, right into a bookcase._

_Gingerly Bakura pressed his fingers against the throbbing cheek, grimacing when he placed pressure upon it. That would bruise over in the morning. And it was his hikari's entire fault. _

"_You hit me!" He shrieked, unwilling to believe that his kind hearted light would turn a hair on anyone's head. "And you bruised me, you --"_

"_You WHAT?!" Ryou challenged, retrieving the knife Bakura had managed to drop when he had been hit. "THAT'S WHAT YOU DO TO ME EVERY DAY! AND TO LET YOU KNOW, I'D RATHER DO IT MYSELF THAN HAVE SOME MOTHER FUCKER DO IT FOR ME. I'M PISSING OFF. _AND_ I'M TAKING THIS WITH ME!" He declared, striding boldly past his thoroughly shaken darkness. _

_End Flashback, Bakura's POV_

_ I'll wake from this dream... _

Troubled boy or what? Why must he be such a bitch about everything I do? He's not exactly perfect himself.

I've just rounded the corner of a street to steadily approach my house, passing a tearful human.

It is odd, these mortals. How they work, I mean. Oft I hear them arguing or complaining about something that occurs daily, when really these mean nothing at all. They should have tried living my Egyptian Life before being such annoying, whining assholes about everything and nothing all at once. Try losing everything that matters to you, until regaining your focus in the lost arts of stealth. Robbery was my only desire, and remains to be such to this very day.

What the--? Right, since that bastard doesn't understand what it means to thieves if a door is left unlocked, I'll just have to go and teach him. If it's the only way he will learn... then my effort will be appreciated.

"RYOU!" I call, a slightly venomous edge tainting my voice, "Where the FUCK are you?"

_ Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken... _

I hear no answer. How he ever dares to do such folly is beyond my brainpower. That will be tomorrow's lesson, I think...

Aha! I know where he will be... either at that pitiful hikari's house, Yugi, along with the Pharaoh, or in his room. With a grin of gloating triumph, I start up the stairs. I hear not a single sound, which indicates he is probably hiding from me once more. My eyes glitter with joy as I wrench his door open, almost taking it off the hinges again.

His room is empty. The only noise I can hear comes from his CD player. This tune is one of sadness, of self-pity... My face turns into a snarling figure, and I begin to search. As a Tomb Robber, I am good at finding what is hidden. It is pure foolishness that drives him to believe he can hide...

"Where, oh where, can he be...?" I sneer, quietly moving towards the wardrobe. "I think I know..." I cry, blasting open the two doors with a small amount of Shadow magic.

When the slight amount of dust and shadow parts, swirling out through the open window, I find myself faced with nothing. Nothing but several old items that have been long forgotten by my weaker self. And yet at seeing this only infuriates me. I am the almighty King of Thieves, dammit! Why should I be so fathomed as to where my own hikari is?

_ Hello, I am the lie, living for you so you can hide... _

I attempt the link, to no avail... it appears he has his barriers up, the ones in which I cannot pass through. With a growl, I kick the shit in the revealed wardrobe, and stride over to the phone at Ryou's bedside. Sneaking a look in his phonebook, I locate the appropriate number and dial it.

"Mutou residence?"

I growl slightly. The fucking Pharaoh HAS to answer, doesn't he?

"Pharaoh. Is my hikari at your house now? I cannot seem to find him."

I hear a slight mumble on the other end, most probably from Yugi. I think I can... Urgh... hear a kiss...

With a slightly deeper voice than usual, if that is attainable, the replies: "No, he isn't here. He did come over ours to sleep last night, something about an argument...?"

_ Don't cry... _

"It's none of your business, Pharaoh!" I snap, before slamming down the telephone on him. I do not have the time to play listen to Yugi arouse the Pharaoh down the phone.

So... that overrules any possibility of my light being out of the house. To Jou, he is barely known, thanks to that bastard CEO unwilling to part from him for more than a moment. Anzu... I fucking hope not. As for Honda... he could possibly be hanging around with Otogi, Shizuka and Mai. So, I come back once more to the original question: where could little Ryou be...?

Ah, fuck it. It will give me a good enough reason to beat him later. Yes... I can almost smell his fear, right now---!

WHAT THE FUCK?

Oh shit. Ryou's blood is... everywhere, rippling underneath my feet, soaking into my bare skin. His body, once smooth, pale and flawless, lies now on the floor, wounded and defeated, by two people... me and himself. Purple bruises, tinted with black, mar that pale whiteness, several bloodstains smudged against his skin. The sight of Ryou's damp, crimson streaked hair slouches idly onto his lifeless shoulders, his bare back covered in the bruises that I have given him, his precious face pressed down into the pool of blood at my feet, horrifies me. His body is no longer moving.

I swallow. Hard. I had never expected him to do anything so drastic as this because of... because of me. I was the one who has caused this to blossom from my supposedly innocent, pure hikari. He was never meant to be anything but submissive, defenceless... And now look at what I have done to him. It was I, Bakura, who has driven him to suicide. Or, to at least try. Tch, I hang onto hope when there is none left. There is cold, hard proof lying literally at my feet that my hikari is gone. But I must make sure. This could be an illusion.

_ Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping... _

Slowly I sink down to my knees, the blood around me rippling as I settle into it. Dreading the reaction to this, I dip two fingers into the icy cold substance and sniff. It seems there is a possibility, though slight, that he may still live. And yet, if he is, would he possibly be happy to be rescued by me?

Now, for the next test. I reach out with my unstained fingers to gently push against the limp body, gradually coaxing it to face me. The dead weight, however, gives me the cause to believe that he is no longer living. It is then that comes the greatest shock of all.

He is still bleeding. Very, very slightly, I can see a trickle of blood oozing from a gaping wound, in which a sword – my sword – is impaled into. Fuck, he's even used my blade to kill himself with... the one that I have never been so distressed to see. This one view has scarred my pride and dignity for life.

I stare at the gash, at the tender flesh ripped by the sharpness of my blade. At the sight of his inner organs, long past their life. At the blood spilled around him, all because of me. At the haunting, smiling face now frozen in time.

_ Hello, oh I am still here... _

I rise to a stand, still staring down at the limp form beneath me. The stained, bloody hand reaches my face, to cover my mouth. Suddenly I feel extremely dizzy, my eyes blurring for a moment before a gentle release of tears is done. To steady myself, I reach out for the nearby counter.

My fingers just happen to skim a small, haphazardly folded note, nudging it gently away from my grasp. I turn so that my stomach touches the workspace, and unfold it. I see that it is addressed to me. And this is, I fear, the remaining words of Ryou Bakura.

I begin to read, shakily, with tears hazing the words slightly.

_Bakura,_

_Surprise! I am finally dead. So tell me, my _darkness_... are you disappointed that I have achieved what you did not? For that is what you always desired, my death, the end of my pitiful existence, wasn't it? I hope you are content, knowing that I am far beyond your comprehension. Then again, you are probably in severe disappointment. Thanks to your own knife (ha-ha!), you have lost your only punch bag. Oh, how my stomach bled for you. _

_I should really start from the beginning. My depression, and preferred solitude, began when my father first 'gifted' me with the Millennium Ring, which is now in your entire possession. Oh, but what a gift that was. I was actually... reluctant... in accepting any form of present from my father, as this usually was translated as a beating, but for just this one time, I felt that he had bought it for me because he actually gave a shit. To prove to me that I wasn't just someone my mother brought into the world for him to scorn. _

_Fuck, I was so wrong I am actually embarrassed by that vision. No, I was given no gift from bearing the Item. Iie... I was cursed, cursed with the yami that threatened to not only destroy me, but to drive me to suicide. You touched my body with your hands, fists and feet. What you may have deemed for me as a minor dull ache in the injured place, you were awfully misled. You have tainted my heart now, forever. My body shall no longer roam this earth but, if I ever manage to find you again, then consider yourself dead._

_I feel satisfied. Not only because of the fact that I have finally repaid you for the constant abuse and betrayal, but because I am something better than you. _

_There are several things that you must do... not that I expect you to do any of them, of course. I wish for you to tell my friends the following things:_

_Yugi... I hope that you become even happier then what you already are. I know that you will go far, thanks especially to the encouragement and support from Yami. You were always the vision I that I had perceived of Bakura and me. Yami... despite my darkness' dickheadedness, you always seemed to find friendship and time for me. Never abuse Yugi's shell. Live a long and prosperous life, free of all shadow and illusion. _

_Jou, I have never wanted to fool you. Believe me, I have desired to tell you all of my feelings, and of Bakura's cruel intentions. I am glad that you have managed to find yourself a lover. Now Seto... I never knew you, and now I wish that I could have done. Live happily, and never screw up like I have done. Treat your lover rightfully. _

_Honda, you and I never really got to know each other too well either. I think it was the suspicion of Bakura and his misdeeds that repelled you, which I cannot blame you for. Whatever you desire from life, ensure that you achieve it before dying. _

_Malik (Haha Bakura! Thought I hated the Tomb Keepers, didn't you?), I can't believe that you and Marik are finally together. I am pleased that at last you have found happiness. Never allow that word to slip from your lips without remembering me, remembering the lack of it that I had in my short life. Marik, don't use handcuffs too many times. They bruise too much, apparently. Don't try to destroy the world again, I couldn't bear it if I saw Bakura in the Afterlife. _

_Now, Bakura... I hope you've had the Time of your Life torturing me. But now that is over. I desire you to feel guilty over what you have caused me to do. _

_Good Riddance,_

_Ryou. _

A single tear falls onto the darkly written farewell note that I still hold. I tremble heavily, unable to conceive fully what has happened. I, Bakura, have killed my own hikari, the other side of my soul...

I reread the letter again. _'So tell me, my _darkness_... are you disappointed that I have achieved what you did not? For that is what you always desired, my death, the end of my pitiful existence, wasn't it?'_

And would you care to know the answer, dear Ryou?

_ All that's left of yesterday... _

No. I am not happy. Iie... I cannot believe that this is what I have done. Any form of death by my knife is perfect. And yet, for some reason, yours is not.

How you ever transformed so hastily is something that I shall never be able to comprehend. However... until the night comes, until that sweet, soft blanket of darkness can wash over my body, coaxing me into sleep...

...I believe that I have certain requests of yours that are in need of fulfilment.

Yami's koi: do you want another chapter of Ryou's funeral? I can do that, if this is what you so desire. Do ya think I did the suicide letter okay... I wasn't too sure about it.

Neutral Man: I like the ending.

Yami's koi: hai so do I. So... this songfic is very unused. I didn't want to use a song too used, so I used this. I'll be doing an Alterbridge one soon about Yami and Yugi. That will be out as soon as it can be. Also, I was thinking of maybe doing a parody of Lord of the Rings with Yugioh characters in place of the hot actors. I have a few of the main ones sussed out... but a few may have to be invented. Please send me whatever you think about this idea: remember, it is you who I do this for, not for profit. And... Ryou has in this fic, the exact same amount of scars, and even the x, as me. In a way, he stole from me!

Neutral Man: plushie of depressed and lonely Malik for reviewers.

Yami's koi: yeah, please review me. Luvvies! BYE-BYE PEOPLES!!!!!!...


	3. The Reason

Yami's koi: the funny thing about trying to end a fic is the next chapter. It's never meant to happen, but an author feels that a fic can't be left where it was. So, another chapter is made… and things continue. That's why I'm here now. Talking to you.

Neutral Man: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bakura's feeling sad!

Bakura: eyes darken bastard, get here now! Chases him with knife

Yami's koi: more when this is done. is being gay, not showing the symbols for lyrics, so they'll be in Italics and underlined.

_ I'm not a perfect person… _

"Pharaoh…" I murmur, holding my fallen hikari's cell against my ear, harshly. "I… have something to tell you… and Yugi."

His response to this is immediate. "What have you done now?" I hear the infamous rage of his begin to frame his words, and I flinch, a tear falling down my cheek, stinging my face in the cold winter breeze.

Ah… but the actual question should be what haven't I done. Surely that would be a much less painful way of informing them that I have killed my light? Wouldn't that be the much less painful, and much more cowardly way out of this horrific mess?

I release a shuddery breath. "Please. Just make sure you aren't screwing madly when I come over." I hang up. I cannot face the consequences of having to answer awkward questions, which I know that he will ask. I can sense it in the atmosphere.

To be truthful, I am outside of their newly bought house right now. I merely fear to enter their household, to retell what I have changed my hikari into. To accept the guilt of pushing him so far, the guilt that I was the only one to do such a thing. The only one capable of preventing such folly, now doing the complete opposite of what he has always followed, in both lives.

I draw in a deep breath, and vault the almost pathetically constructed gate to reach their garden path. Ah, fuck, I do not want to do this. Never before have I accepted the blame, or consequences, for any of my previous actions, and I never intend to start now. And definitely not on the account of my light.

Yet I must. When this is completed, the worst of things shall be over, and my breathing shall come easier. Of course, the funeral must be endured… and how I shall ever manage that will be interesting to discover. Allow others to view how depressed I am and be mocked, or be murdered for showing no guilt for what I have caused… tricky decision. But which would you choose?

I inhale another breath, intended to soothe me. Instead it only fuels my fears.

I refuse to knock on the brightly painted door – this has been a habit also maintained since Ancient Egypt. I open the door without warning, knowing quite well that both Mutou's trust anyone to enter their home, so leave their door unlocked. In other words, it's just code for thieves such as myself, translating as: 'Come in, take all my money, maybe even my life!'

"I am here…" I mutter, striding my way into the Living Room, where I see them sitting. Yami is holding onto Yugi quite possessively, and I almost shiver at the closeness of their bodies. Surely wouldn't they feel… uncomfortable at this? Yugi is blushing. I assume, then, that the Pharaoh deems that I am here to steal his possessions. As absurd – they rarely have anything of even small value – as that is, I cannot blame him. I would be the same way, if ever I ever was touched by love for another, and hatred for the one whom has just entered my home.

"State your business, Tomb Robber!" Yami snarls, holding Yugi closer to him now. "I don't have time for this."

I open my mouth, to tell them what I have done to my hikari, yet I find that my voice has abandoned me. My words will not come.

Yet now I know that my time has expired. This is what Ryou had spoken of: the price in which I would have to take. To be isolated, and pushed away even more so because of my fault. To be looked at with hatred and spite, to remain a wandering, and solitary, Tomb Robber.

"Spit it out!" The Pharaoh cries.

I clench my eyes shut for a moment, finding only Ryou's broken body beneath my lids. Hastily I open them again. The look in which Yami is giving me… so cold… and cruel. Fuck, if this is how he is now, I fear the reaction I shall gain when I explain my coming.

"Ryou…" I begin, "Ryou is… he has… not here anymore." I finish lamely, hoping beyond hope that the Game King will understand.

He doesn't. "Nani? What do you mean?" I take in a shuddery breath.

"Ryou is… has… committed suicide." I finally manage, stuttering slightly.

_ There's many things I wish I didn't do. But I continue learning. _

Their reactions are immediate. Yugi's eyes widen, already spilling tears. Yami's eyes react slightly the same as his lover's, yet no tears come. They have merely widened, emotion pulsing through them.

"WHY DID HE DO IT?!" Yugi screams suddenly, being rocked slightly on the Game King's lap, "WHY…?"

Yami says nothing, and strokes his aibou's hair. It is then that his narrowed eyes move from focusing on the floor to my own eyes, and I feel that gaze penetrate my soul. He sets Yugi down onto the chair, which only makes him cry harder. If Yami cared so much, then why would he leave?

He stands before me, and I rise. I do not wish to feel intimidated when feeling so lowly and grieved. His eyes now concentrate solely on the floor. He glances up, and I stagger back, clutching my cheek. My legs give from underneath me, a lack of response causing this.

He has… struck me… damn, that hurts! Already I can feel the bruises begin to form! He stands now above me, as I have fallen, with a menacing stare on his face. His eyes are burning with intense hatred, and it aches my heart to see such spite and blame... from anyone. I can sense his bloodlust radiating from his Millennium Item, the one which I have so many times try to covet, and I actually regret ever desiring it now. For if there is one ability that all of the Items possess… it is to turn a person's sanity into complete and utter nothingness. Although I would welcome that luxury, the demise in which I deserve, it shall never occur with his light in his presence. And, judging by Yugi's now fragile state, he shall not be going anywhere.

"You bastard. And I though that you could not sink any further downwards. I hope that you know that it is you who forced Ryou to commit such an act?" Yami hisses, his words burning a growing hole into my heart. "You are the one who killed your own hikari!"

"Yami… don't, please…" Yugi sobs, begging his Pharaoh to return. The words and brokenly said sentence seem to strike the Game King, as Yami glances back slightly, though he makes no effort to move away from me. He must confront me, which I understand. And although I've said it before, it shall be said again: I would feel the same, if I loved another, and was loved in return.

"I am sorry, koi. But this filth must be punished… I cannot allow Ryou to have this monstrosity of a yami live peacefully after what he has done. Now…" Yami's eyes fix again on me, and his hands haul me to my feet, before thrusting me into a chair, which I feel move backward slightly as I land heavily into it. "Now… have you anything to say for yourself? Anything of confession, of guilt?"

I nod. "I cannot… express how I am… feeling quite now. It is an emotion I have feared for all of my years being alive, whether in the blistering Egyptian sun, or within the confining shadows of the Millennium Ring. But… Ryou asked me to… tell you several things in his… in his suicide note…" I fade out, infuriating the Game King further. The crimson in his eyes darkens: a sign definitely for the worse.

"Read it then. Afterwards I will kill you."

Such a delicious threat. For then I would be able to see my light and apologise for my misdeed. Yet, I deem, it is highly unlikely that it shall be accepted. In fact, judging by the emotion described here… he would kill me again.

_ I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go. _

With a slight tremble in my movements, I reach into my pocket and produce the note. I have been fingering its texture since leaving my home, the one that I refuse to enter once more.

"Bakura?" Yugi manages quietly, curling up slightly into his chair for comfort, as his darkness still towers above me. "I hate you. So did Ryou, and I am going to continue that hatred. At least then his wishes shall be fulfilled. You will never live happily again."

At this statement, Yami breaks. He strides back to his hikari and takes him into his arms once more. They hold each other for a moment, not moving an inch, before the Pharaoh's eyes lock back onto my own.

"Read. Now." He hisses, in a deadly quiet tone.

I swallow again, and smooth out the paper slightly, though there is no real point in this.

"'_Yugi… I hope that you become even happier than what you already are. I know that you will go far, thanks especially to the encouragement and support from Yami. You were always the vision that I had perceived of Bakura and me. Yami… despite my darkness…''" _I pause for a moment. _'"…Dickheadedness, you always seemed to find friendship and time for me. Never abuse Yugi's shell. Live a long and prosperous life, free of all shadow and illusion.'"_

Yami has finally snapped. Tears fall fresh from his crimson eyes that are clenched shut, and his face his buried in Yugi's hair. He then, without warning, releases the traditional Egyptian keening cry, symbolising grief and a completely different form of heartache. I now know that it is I who should be dead, and not my light. I should have given him a chance at life, whilst sacrificing my own.

But, as Ryou did state, my dickheadedness always prevented me from being just and loving. Always I have been solitary and cold, yet I never expected of myself to actually become so… fucking foolish. How could I not see that I was destroying his life, which would later be my own?

In my own form of sorrow, I release also a keening wail, falling from the chair to my knees. I stare up at the ceiling, screaming out my discontent to Ra and Anubis.

_ That I just want you to know… _

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!"

I raise my head in shock, before it makes unwelcome contact with the ground. I stare up at the one who has attacked me, and am amazed… I never expected him to hate me as much as this…

"Yugi…?" I murmur, amazed.

Yugi sniffs and erases the evidence of tears away from his eyes, but they have returned. Whilst they spill, I stare up at the now not so diminutive form in shock.

"WHAT PART OF GET THE _FUCK _OUT DON'T YOU GRASP??!"

I whimper and lay my head in my hands. "None."

"Then I'll tell you!" Yugi cried tearfully, grabbing my collar. I cry out in panic as I am steered towards the door, falling over my own two feet. With highly surprising strength from the small male, I find myself hauled outside, soaring through the air, until I land, facedown, in the street. Passers-by on this dark day pause to stare, and I turn, crouching on the ground. Fucking hell, he's thrown me at least seven feet… how can he do that?

'The same way how you can kill your hikari,' a mocking voice says, from somewhere in my mind. I close my eyes to erase this thought, in vain.

"NOW, GET FUCKED!!!" Yugi shouts, lamming the door shut as he leaves the hallway. I am left here now… completely alone.

_Bakura's house_

I have left the other's for a while now. I cannot face them just yet with what I have to say, purely because I am so shocked. Shocked at Yugi, at Ryou… at myself.

"So now you feel bad. Tough shit." A voice much unlike my own says. I glance around and see… Malik Ishtar. He is alone… but I don't feel comforted at this. He radiates a horrific aura of pure loathing for me… and I can only presume that it will rise.

"I've had a phone call of little Yugi today, Tomb Robber." He says in a deadly low snarl, each word said slowly and deliberately. Those lavender eyes that once offered me comradeship are now narrowed and suspicious.

"He and the Pharaoh are both very distressed because of something which – surprise, surprise – is your fault. So… tell me. What is it that you have done now? I am listening." The Egyptian folds his tanned arms in defiance. I realise that he shall not leave until I have confessed to him. My mouth automatically opens.

_ I've found out a reason for me To change who I used to be. _

"I have… H-have…"

"Spit it out, Thief!" The Tomb Keeper hisses, his words slicing through my already shattered heart. He steps forward once, and demands once more that I tell him. In less civilised words, of course. He never once offered me anything of kindness… and I do not expect him to begin this odd routine now. All the same, I could do with some comforting.

Oh, yes, that's right: I always think about myself, don't I? Even the pure-hearted Ryou admitted it, despite the illusion of a bond in which we once shared. Now I can feel his energy in me, his body now become one with my own once more, and I shudder.

This is… intentional. Ryou yearned for this… for me to feel suffering and hardships, regret and grief, pain and sorrow… and it is nothing less than what I truly deserve. He made that very clear in his suicide note.

I feel hands grab my already bruised shoulders, formed from my fall, and shake my body.

"TELL ME, YOU MOTHER-FUCKER!" Malik screams, right in my astonished face, "COME ON, YOU COWARD!"

I snap.

"RYOU'S DEAD!!!"

He blinks. Malik steps back this time, almost as if caution has forewarned him of what I have done. His head tilts, but his eyes still lock on my own. It unnerves me how he can maintain eye contact for so long.

"You… you killed… Ryou…?" He asks, unable to disguise the tremble in his voice for anything else but fear and rage.

"In effect, yes, but…"

"THE TRUTH, BAKURA, _THE BASTARD TRUTH! _WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM??!" Malik yells, elbowing me in the stomach as he marches past, calling the name of my fallen light. He enters the kitchen…

For one complete moment, I hear nothing. Then I feel the power of Malik's Millennium Rod being ignited, and, before I see him move, I'm slammed against the wall, suspended several feet above the ground, with its Shadow Power.

_ A reason to start over new… and the reason is you. _

Malik's face is livid. He points the Rod at my chest to contain his grip on the Shadow Magic, yet I pay no heed to this stance. His eyes, once calm and collected, are now burning with the fires of loathing and antipathy, several tears scattering down his tanned cheeks. His lips are trembling slightly, almost as if a sentence has forgotten how to be formed; yet I know that this is an act of his intense rage.

"I am holding you here…" He begins at length, a quiver evident in his voice. His eyes narrow further at my tears. "… Because I do not wish to touch you. You are… corrupted, Tomb Robber. You have… the slightest amount of decency when you… act… like you are apologetic. Yet I--" He pauses and allows a small release of tears before continuing, "—Have never… and will never… witness such a sight so… monstrous and… abhorrent as the one in which I have just viewed.

"Somehow I… know that I haven't got the entire story here. Tell me now… and I may spare you of your death… in replacement of the Shadows. So, retell your tale, Thief, and make haste… The Shadows are hungry for some fresh blood."

His snarled words cause me to flinch and I find myself in incredible danger. If I am banished to the Realm of Shadow, then I cannot complete what I feel is right.

_ I'm sorry that I hurt you… _

"Ryou left a… suicide note for… me and everyone. You and Marik have a mention…" I trail off.

Malik's tears flow slowly now, but he still trembles. The Shadow Magic wavers for a moment, and is released. The ground approaches swiftly, and I finally feel its greatness. I am aware that the Tomb Keeper's eyes never leave my form, and are dangerously burning with spite.

"You may read from this note. Then I… will call people. They should have the right to know before you die. Yeah… you deserve to suffer." Malik hisses, collapsing heavily and very deliberately into a nearby armchair. He is in a slouching position, his arms folded… and he seems significantly smaller when compared to the chair's size.

"WELL? I'm waiting for you, Tomb Robber. And I'm not very patient today." The Ishtar's Egyptian accent snarled, picking up a nearby figure and throwing it at the wall. It shatters, and I whimper. That had been Ryou's favourite…

"BEGIN, THEIF!!!!"

I nervously clear my throat, and unfold the paper from within my pocket. I scan down until I reach the Ishtar section.

"It… it says…" I pause, just long enough so that I may dry my eyes. This pain is hard to bear… yet this is what I must do.

"Ryou wrote… _'Malik (Haha Bakura! Thought I hated the Tomb Keepers, didn't you?), I can't believe that you and Marik are finally together. I am pleased that at last you have found happiness. Never allow that word to slip from your lips without remembering me, remembering the lack of it that I had in my short life. Marik, don't use handcuffs too many times. They bruise too much, apparently. Don't try to destroy the world again, I couldn't bear it if I saw Bakura in the Afterlife.'" _

I raise my head, the world around me crumbling and bruising me in the process. Strikes from every sharp-edged, well-deserved wall hit me from all angles attainable. This dawning of realisation that has taken so long for me to conceive is far too late, yet I feel that I may be able to practice it… within the confines of the Shadow Realm. It may not be death, but I know it is a small fraction of pain that I am worthy of.

Malik is breathing heavily, and sinks back even further into the luxurious leather seat. He closes his eyes briefly, before opening them to reveal a soulless, emotionless expression within.

"Do you feel bad about what you have caused?" He asks softly, turning his head to look at me in disgust. "Do you?"

_ It's something I must live with everyday… _

I sigh.

"I regret this death more than any other which I have ever caused. I now can fully understand what my light experienced, and I offer my sincere apologies to him, even if he cares not for it. I am sorry that I hurt him, and it's something I must live with everyday. I can no longer see my mistakes, as they have been taken with Ryou to his better world. Or, at least, that is where I hope he has been taken to. For surely anywhere without myself is practically a heaven?

"I know that I am not perfect – I am far from that state, and will never attain it, even if I cared enough to wish for it. Ryou merely desired for someone who could love him. And I simply denied all of that to him when I entered his vessel through our Millennium Ring. I… never meant to do such things to him. Though no one shall ever believe this, I will declare it anyway: I never wanted to make him like this. In his suicide note, he… bids me Good Riddance. And if I expected anything less of him, then all would hate me more for causing him to become so gullible and naïve. Yet his farewell is one of harshness and what I thought to be irrational reasons for his reactions when I… hurt him. Malik -"

"Do me a favour," Malik says emotionlessly, staring into the empty fireplace without even taking in what he was looking at. "And NEVER call me by my name again. It is too far above you."

_ And all the pain I put you through… I wish that I could take it all away… _

I blink, and swallow, hard.

"I… admit now that I miss his soul. I maintain full connection between my own soul and his body… both of us are now one. Both of which are not rightfully mine. I should have… had more respect for this vessel, as the Pharaoh -"

"Don't even call him that, he has a name." Malik states. "But then again, even _his_ name is too far above you. His name shall be… darkness."

I grimace, and I know that he as noticed it. Before he can begin to berate me in a fractious fury, I hurriedly continue:

_ And be the one who catches all your tears… _

"Darkness has respect, and even love, for Yu--" I pause when his eyes flicker up, boring into my own intensely. "His beloved." I finish, "And that is something that I shall never be able to experience. For I deserve nothing more than what you will give me."

Malik says nothing for a moment. When he next speaks, his voice is so cold and icy, and reflects Kaiba's own after a bitter loss to the Game King.

"And what if I decide not to banish you to that Realm? Why, Thief… why should you be given what you want, when Ryou could not?" His head rises and his lavender eyes once more into mine.

My mouth opens to retort: yet I firmly close it. I can't leave this world yet… I have several other people to attend to. And, of course, the tenshi's funeral. That will need to be arranged… and I do not think that the Pharaoh and his hikari would be able to cope with the pressure that such a thing demands. Not that I doubt Yami's ability to organise the saddened event, but I feel that such a task is my own. And this form of duty… should be mine alone. No one else shall interfere unless I see it fit.

_ That's why I need you to hear… _

"Well…?" Malik asks once more, this time with less anger in his voice. "Have you assembled an answer, or an entire nation of shit for me to listen to?"

Another tear falls down from my eyes, now probably as bright as the stars themselves. Those too holy and divine to even bother scorning me for my continuous faults.

I see Malik open his mouth once more…

…And am saved by the phone ringing. My eyes shift focus and I receive the call.

"Moshi-moshi?"

"Bastard," A voice growls simply from the other end, and I immediately take to the defensive. Honda, another whom I owe an apology and reading of Ryou's suicide note. "You… you do know that what Ryou… did… is because of you… right?"

I close my eyes and feel the receiver tremble against my ear, and I press it further against my skin. "I know…" I hear myself say dimly, almost in a hoarse whisper, "I know… and he says in his suicide note…"

He gasps, and even that shudders in rage. "Ryou left a note? Fucker. Why won't you read it and be a man for a change? Come on, Thief… you're always… saying how powerful you are: here's your chance… to prove it. So, spill… what did Ryou say about me?"

_ I've found a reason for me… To change who I used to be… _

I take a deep breath, and again glance down the paper.

"'_Honda, you and I never really got to know each other too well either. I think it was the suspicion of Bakura and his misdeeds that repelled you, which I cannot blame you for. Whatever you desire from life, ensure that you achieve it before dying." _I take in a deep breath, prepared to accept another harsh worded speech…

…The line falls dead.

Without a second thought, I find the number of Jou stored in the phone and dial it. I can see Malik's eyes alight with the fiery hatred he holds, and he turns.

"I will leave you for now. After the funeral… I shall never see your face again."

Before I can reply, Jou answers my call.

_ A reason to start over new… And the reason is you… _

"Moshi-moshi?"

I inhale a deep breath, fashioned to calm me. Needless to say, it fails.

"Has the Pharaoh told you?" I ask, clenching my eyes shut in self-pity as I hear him respond with a no. Shit.

"Then I should tell you, since this is my fault. Ryou… is… has committed suicide. He left a note that said… for you… _'Jou, I have never wanted to fool you. Believe me, I have desired to tell you all of my feelings, and of Bakura's cruel intentions. I am glad that you have managed to find yourself a lover. Now Seto… I never knew you, and now I wish that I could have done. Live happily, and never screw up like I have done. Treat your lover rightfully.'"_

I say this hurriedly. Already I can sense Jou's anger rise, and I fear nothing. All I do fear is Ryou. He was so much stronger than me to do something this drastic. He died to prove a point… and this lesson will be carried with me until I die. Or become steadily devoured by the Shadows.

_ And the reason is you… _

When he next speaks, his voice is a trembling tone of quiet hatred, which I know shall eventually bubble over and be released.

"And… a-are you… happy?" He whispers, gentle sobs coming down the line. I hear a female's high-pitched sobs also, which I deem belong to Shizuka. Well, two birds with one stone.

Yet his comment confuses me. Happy… at what? Before I can ask, that furious bubbling splatters out of the pan.

"DON'T BULLSHIT ME!!" He screams, tears evident in his voice. "I could see he was unhappy, and all because of YOU! So, answer me… ARE YOU GLAD? ARE YOU HAPPY THAT YOU'VE DESTROYED THE ONLY THING PURE AND INNOCENT?!? YOU… ah… I can't even insult you. You… insult even insults. You… can fuck…"

_ And the reason is you… And the reason is you… _

The line falls dead. It seems that he and Honda are alike in many more ways than one. I replace the phone on the cradle and sink into a nearby chair, avoiding the shattered porcelain pieces of Ryou's favourite figurine. Those parts of that beautiful pottery now represent the fragments that remain of my heart. The heart that I vowed would never soften enough to break.

I close my eyes. All that I can see is Ryou.

I close my eyes. I try to block out all that has happened.

I close my eyes. I try to forget him; I can't forgive myself for what I have done.

I close my eyes. I would do anything to have him back. To erase all that I have done to him.

I close my eyes. I realise how selfish I am being. I am sorry only when I know how far I pushed the poor chibi tenshi. I am only sorry when…

… He is dead.

_ I'm not a perfect person… I never meant to do those things to you… _

I close my eyes. I understand now that I am not the perfect person, not ideal for everyone's destructive hatred being fed and encouraged. I… never meant to do those things to you… Ryou, allow me to explain to you what I cannot explain to myself: I never wanted to hurt you.

I close my eyes. I am such a walking contradiction. And, even without my Ryou, I can still live a perfect life… right…?

'Unlikely,' I scoff, opening my eyes. Why I could not have realised this two years ago, when I first emerged from within the Millennium Ring, is beyond me. Doubtless that Ryou felt the same, when he took his last few breaths.

I shudder involuntarily. Even thinking of what he did… what I did… makes me sick. And yet… if this is how I feel now… then how shall I act when it comes to removing his body? For he cannot remain in the kitchen forever.

_ And so I have to say before I go… That I just want you to know. I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be… _

I rise to my feet, almost being unaware of the motion myself. Almost as if I am sleepwalking, or in a highly horrifying nightmare, my legs force themselves to move, whilst my brain screams sense. It wails that I cannot enter that room, cannot see what I have caused…

Too late. Again I am faced with the eerie presence of my light. I tremble slightly, and my legs shake as they slowly move until I am beside the body. They bend and my body obediently follows, kneeling next to the dead form of Ryou Bakura. The fallen tenshi. And the most pitied of all hikari's to come.

At first, I cannot move. His stillness and unresponsiveness that I used to scorn now unnerves me. Gingerly I press against his limp, heavy body, wishing with every scrap of hope that he will move. That he shall sit up and smile at me, almost as if none of this is happening. That he has forgiven me.

But it is happening. His eyes, still open, reflect happiness, yet with a bitter taint embracing it. Yet so would I feel this way, if I'd had to accept that my yami had forced me to seek happiness in death. Those hazelnut eyes, once so full of innocence and curiosity… now will always show the same, heartless expression, haunting me forevermore. I lift my hand… the one that I once impaled during a game against the Pharaoh; Ryou and his friends… and slowly bring his eyes to a close. Gently I kiss them, tears dampening the once flawless skin that is now scattered with vile bruises and his blood.

_ A reason to start over new… And the reason is you… _

I dip my fingers into Ryou's blood, and shiver. It is so cold… almost as icy as what I was in his eyes. I force myself not to look at it when a wave of nausea crashes over me. Instead my eyes gaze into his pale, silvery hair… streaked with the dark, coppery scented crimson of his blood. The bittersweet aroma of Ryou's once warm, life-sustaining liquid – the substance that he must have detested in his final moments – repels even me. Yes, Bakura, the one who did slay every man in his group, just after their jobs had been completed, with his swords swinging, blood splattered over his high cheekbones as he stole away into the night, bearing my coveted riches upon my shoulders… is now afraid of blood. The liquid that I once craved to see almost daily… is now the fluid that I hate.

I rise to my feet, a hand covering my mouth. I look at Ryou's pale skin, take in the rippling blood that pools beneath my feet, now floating around his body, swirling as I move… and feel saliva gather in my mouth. Involuntarily I rush to the sink, and promptly retch. Gushes of the vile substance chokes its way out of my system, and into the bowl.

_ I've found a reason to show… A side of me you didn't know… _

Once all is out of my body, I glance back at the limp body of my light. I never dreamed… of becoming so attached to someone… even if they are dead. This is a new side to Bakura, and I feel that I should show it to his entire friend's before… leaving this earth. This side of me… is inspired… by you, Ryou… to show all that even a cold, soulless person such as myself can be as you once were, before tainted by my evil. The evil that sought to consume you, to devour you whilst alive and breathing.

Such darkness now is gone. I cannot… live the way that I used to anymore. I shall not accept it. Even if… for a little while, I can be you. I can love those who I may not appreciate as much as I should.

Ryou always used to say to himself, when he deemed that I was not listening… _'There are many whom a bullet should be put in, yet there shall always be people who will take that bullet for them.'_

Ryou… is this what you meant? That you would make a bullet for yourself, and yet take it? That you would never put a bullet in… even me? You never had the desire to harm me?

And then I smile slightly, gazing down at my fallen hikari, and think: 'Yes… that is what he meant.'

_ … A reason for all that I do… And the reason is you… _

Yami's koi: not very angsty, but I liked the ending. What do you gies reckon? It's all over to you now…

Bakura: groans I just wanna be with Ryou this Xmas…

Yami's koi: don't we all. On that note… I hope all my reviewers, whether past, present or future, enjoy themselves this season, and have a very merry Christmas, and a kick-ass 2005 to go with it. May your next year be full of prosperity, and love. Laughs Kinda odd to put at the end of an angst chapter, huh? Something loving and very heartfelt, after… blood and gore!

Neutral Man: has gone pale Yes. Very, very… interesting… pukes

Yami's koi: oh, hush! Um… I know it's kinda asking a lot, but… if any of you would like to do me some fan art for this… I'd be more than happy to receive it! It can be with this story or any other! Please send me a link on your review, or whatever, and then I'll personally email you with a BIG thank you and huggle.

Neutral Man: oh wow. Pukes

Yami's koi: yes, well. Now we all know who ate all the pies. So… merry Xmas! Plushie of whichever character you want for Christmas, and one of a blood stained Ryou for reviewing! LUVVIES!!


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